Let me just say it has been a winter of introspection and change. Where I left off in December, My mother had a stroke and we spent the better part of December in Alabama along side my brother and sister-in-law helping my parents adjust to a new normal. 

My mom is recovering spectacularly. But she still has a long road back to where she was in November. And it is possible she will never be 100% of where she was before the stroke. But that is not to say her new normal will reduce her quality of life.

I have not spent a lot of time mucking about in what has happened from a negative stand point. Don’t get me wrong. If I let myself, I could get all angsty about it in a heartbeat. But for what ever reason…be it self preservation, or just a good ole’ Scarlet O’Hara I-will-worry-about that-tomorrow-state-of-mind, I had so much on my plate I just needed to get through. 

Here is what I know. This shit changed me and made a whole lot of things crystal clear. So today Fiberista, I am sharing with you my top 7 Aha moments from this whole experience, how it has influenced my work and how I make art.

1. I am not a housewife. If you were to come to my house, it is usually kind of messy. The time most women spend keeping house, I am usually spending working in art and my business. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I had the housekeeping skills…sort of. I admire those who keep a clean and organized house…I would just prefer to have someone else do that for me. However I do love to cook. I was just not raised to be a house wife. I got married for the first time at 42. I am 10 years into my second career. And my husband and I have an understanding about our nontraditional marriage. This a-ha moment became crystal clear as I went to help my dad and had to defer the things my mother normally did to my sister-in-law and the cleaning ladies. I did, however, excel at organizing the database to track doctor notes, mom’s exercises and Rx schedules.

2. Keep it simple. I can make the simplest of tasks in to a gigantic mountain of very important steps. I am officially calling bullshit on myself. I am seeing over and over again keeping most things simple is way less stressful. This especially becomes crystal clear when dealing with a brain insult. Simplify questions. Simplify instructions. Scale back what you are doing. I spent the last 2 months editing every. damn. thing. Because even now that I am home, I have no patience for my normal state of overwhelm. I got a taste of some scary stress, and now the overwhelm before December seems awfully overblown to me. So as of now, I am aiming for simpler, giving myself space to slow down and do the self care I need.

3. Talk to those you love. My family has never been known for their excellent communication skills. That is until the shit hit the fan. It all shifted in a heart beat. We learned to say what we mean, ask for what we need, and just have a conversation. My mom, however, is still finding her words. The stroke hit her brain where she holds speech. It is like her magnetic poetry landed in a pile. It is so very interesting what words she finds when she tries to communicate. Words I have never heard her say in normal conversations pop up. Pansies with no illusions, Quantify dinner. She is like a beatnik poet and it is actually kind of awesome. But, I can only imagine how frustrating this must be. I keep saying we will circle back one day when she has more words. Since the stroke, I have called her everyday. And while she does not always have good words, I will gladly take what ever words she has. For a nano second, I let myself imagine never communicating with my mom again, and I don’t think I will ever take a conversation with her for granted from now on. Even if it is just to make sure I tell her I love her every day.

4. Perfect is the enemy of done. For a 6 weeks I lost the luxury of free time. Even now I am still feeling the crunch of that shift. In the spirit of #2 Keep It Simple, I am letting go of a lot of perfection. I could tweak all kinds of shit into infinity (otherwise know as polishing a turd). But that means nothing gets done. Whether it is folding clothes, writing this blog post, or winding a warp. I am embracing as much imperfection as I can, to make sure I can just do what needs to get done. Even as I gain more free time, Letting go of perfection means keeping things simple. Focus on what is important.

5. Don’t wait till you’re ready, do it now. I watched this move a few years ago and it changed me. If you can get past the blasphemy and artistic use of bodily fluids (and that thing with the bull whip) there is a deep and urgent message to artists. Don’t wait to do your life work. You could get sick tomorrow, and your voice will never be heard. Just freaking do it already. Be brave enough make the mistakes and start before you are ready. You would regret not making art if you suddenly lost the time or ability to do so. I was in the middle of planning my 2019 when the shit hit the fan. It is now the end of January. Plans to make plans seem over complicated. I know what I need to do and that is just do the work of making art and getting it out there. Keep it simple (#2) and perfect is the enemy of done (#4)

6. Meet yourself exactly where you are. As mom was learning to walk again, her progress was not a straight line. This is totally normal. In yoga, you learned to meet yourself exactly where you are in you abilities for that day. Maybe you did not sleep well. Maybe you are hungry. Maybe you body is reacting to the weather. It doesn’t matter, because when you are accepting that perfect is the enemy of done (#4) and not waiting until you are ready (#5) then you just reset your expectations every day and do the work. Some days are better than others, but it all evens out in the end. Somedays my weaving mojo is on fire, other days not so much. Some of my work will be awesome, some not so much. Just keep doing it. Every day in ability is a gift.

7. Celebrate the small wins. It would be so easy to look at the last 8 weeks with sadness and despair. I am not going to lie, strokes are scary. But mom makes such good progress daily. That alone is such a big win. But that big win was made up of hundreds of small wins. That database I made for moms notes and info was such a help in seeing those small wins. It is not that mom would get depressed with her new normal, but it was sometimes hard for the rest of us to watch her struggle. But if we looked at the small wins, her progress was not a struggle at all. Challenging, but always with small meaningful wins.

My simple goal for this year is to make a solid body of work.  A simple goal with lots of parts. Small wins can look like individual work, or it can look like many steps  in each piece. Celebrating small wins honors my work, not just the end product. It keeps me positive. And I have to say my moms determination through her recovery has been awe-inspiring. 

It is my intention to get back to my YT lives very soon. But I think there might be a new schedule. And maybe an additional Facebook live…